I am reticient.

My sister Hilary recently commented on her current state of somnolence.

I am not somnolent.

Rather, I am religiously making sure that I get adequate sleep, so as
to be the best baby-making factory I can be. (I have no trouble
eating. Giving up wine and beer was no problem. Sleeping? That one I'm
not good at, and it's taking some work.) So, safe to say, I am not
(yet) somnolent.

I am reticent.

Merriam-Webster online defines reticent as "inclined to be silent:
reserved; restrained in expression, presentation, or appearance."

I was pondering my reticent nature the other day, wondering if perhaps
I should be more outgoing, dress a little crazier, express myself more
often. After a short moment of self searching I decided it must be
the pregnancy hormones making me think such crazy thoughts. Why on
earth would I choose not to be reticent? I enjoy watching the world go
by as I remain silent. It gives me food for thought. I enjoy listening
to others converse. I learn things about them I would not catch if I
was leading the conversation. I enjoy my mostly-subdued wardrobe. It
makes it easier to get dressed in the morning without having to plan
out a whole outfit. Outfit? The thought of having to put together an
ensemble every morning makes me shudder. I envy business men who can get away with a bunch of dress shirts, ties, a couple good suits and a
killer pair of shoes and not have much else to think about. (Wait,
that sounds like my wardrobe.)

Anyway.

Ever since I was little I was proud of the fact that I have a whole
world of things going on inside my head in a space that no one can
interrupt. It is my own special, private little world and I am the
only one that knows what is going on in there. I can make all sorts of
things happen in my imagination, solve all sorts of problems, come up
with all sorts of ideas. Make plans. Dream dreams. I can hate, love,
take, give, argue, forgive, appease, enrage, debate and concede, all
by myself as I watch the world spin around me. It is like my own
little workshop in my head, and no one can see the structures I am
building (no matter how magnificent or small) until such a time as I
choose to share them.

So, I am reticient. Perhaps it is my way of dealing with the
complexity of the world.

I ran across this quote awhile back and it has stuck with me ever
since. I think it explains it all perfectly.

"Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise,
trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of these things and
still be calm in your heart." (unknown)