Lost in play

Yesterday was such a perfect day. A perfectly normal day. An Eden-and-Mommy day that was spectacular just for the normal-ness of it. Eden's been getting over a cold so we skipped church. We watched some shows. Read a lot of books.  Made lunch. Played school. Drove through the car wash. Went to the library. Did a little shopping. Finger painted...and then moved the paint into the bathroom and painted the bathtub.

I remember this sort of normal-ness from my childhood. Slow, lazy days at home, concentrated on discovery, keeping oneself occupied, learning, and spending the day with each other. Getting lost in our play. Making the day up as we went along.

Spending the day with the day itself.

Noticing the light on the walls as they day goes by. Letting yourself be a part of it rather than anxiously waiting for the next thing to happen.

Spending time listening to the daytime neighborhood sounds: wind chimes. Trucks. Children. Birds. Footsteps. Cars. Silence. The breeze flowing through the trees.

I am concerned that our society is forgetting what this feels like.

It feels good.

Scavenger Hunt

Sunny and 88 degrees in March? This calls for a scavenger hunt.

Here's our list. Daddy drew the pictures.

We have to find three different bushes. This one has pink flowers.



This is not the tree. This one is the birds. Betcha can't find them.



This bush has white flowers!

Isn't she cute? Oh, yes, that is the third bush.

The tree. The cool one with red berries.

Kids in the pool?? Yep. Crazy.

Looking for bugs.

Found ants on this tree, but the camera isn't good enough to get a clear shot. Trust me, they're there.

The bunnies weren't out, but Daddy walked up to the bush and saw one scurry through an open patch. We heard it!

Got everything on our list!

Family cheer!!!!

Thanksgiving Walk

This was one of our best Thanksgivings ever. Dinner was easy and fun. We were in a hotel, so someone else vacuumed and made our beds. (The hotel staff were SO acommodating; I can't say enough good things about them.)

AND - we got to take a walk along the embarcadero that evening. This is what we saw:

It was chilly, so we bundled Eden up in a huge, soft blanket we found in the hotel closet and tucked her snug into her new jogging stroller (thank you, Stella!). "No pictures, Mommy!" she said.

These were all taken with our inexpensive Sony 8.1 megapixel Cybershot, and then cropped and autocorrected for contrast in Photoshop. I love that camera.

Rain

The rain is raining all around,

It falls on field and tree,

It rains on the umbrellas here,

And on the ships at sea.

- Robert Louis Stevenson

Cousins

Labor Day

Better posted late, than never --



We started outside...



Drawing rainbows on the sidewalk

Painting with vegetables

Turns into finger -- I mean, BODY painting

And, perhaps, pottery painting

Why not? More white sounds good.

On a paint-friendly table

The paper is just there for...um...

Yeah, let's just get rid of the paper

"I'm making a million pickles!"

Experiential Learning (aka Making A Big Mess)

Who's counting now? Hey! We can write in this stuff!

Hair's pulled back now, so you know it's serious.

And the clean-up,

my friends,

is what we mean when we say

"Labor Day"

at the Jarrell house

(p.s. It was well worth it.)

"...So you know I love you."

Ring ring. It's Nate's cell phone.

"Hiiii."

[Pause. Did he pocket call me?]

"Hi Mommy!!"

"Hi Eden!"

"I got a LIIIIME flavor!"

[They had planned to get Viva Pops today. Local, organic fruit pops that are the best in the world.]

"Oh, those are SO GOOD! Did you like it?"

"Yeah!! It was good."

"What flavor did Daddy get?"

"Daddy got lime, too!!"

"So you guys matched."

"Yeah! Mommy, how are you?"

"I'm good."

"Are you coming home now?"

"No, I will come home at dinner time after you and Daddy have play time this afternoon. Then we will all be together all night and we can play!"

"Oh. I am going to send you a message after I call you. So you know I love you."

[my heart catches in my throat]

"Oh, thank you, Sweetie! I will send you a message, too."

Never let me go until you've told me...

"Hold me, hold me, never let me go until you've told me..." croons Daddy to Eden

and then one day

"Hold me, hold me, never let me go until you've told me..." croons Eden back to her Daddy

duet-style

head swaying back and forth

the whole deal

One day, "Hold me, hold me...." croon Mommy and Daddy to Eden (in a big family bear hug)

"Stop! Stop!" she cries

We can do it this way, she says

"Hold us, hold us, never let us go until you told us!"

At which crazy giggles ensue

On Chocolate.

I've been working a lot lately, Peanut -- and you really miss me these days. I am really missing you, too. I thank God that I have the job I do, and the team I do, because if I didn't, I don't think I'd have the luxury of the give-and-take that I do. But I have to say work has been getting more of the "give" lately, and you've been stuck with more of the "take."

See, I know that I have a week off coming up. And I know that we've got the three-day weekend ahead of us. And you're getting older and starting to comprehend time a little better. But I still think it's hard on you not to have me in the now.

And it's hard on me to be gone, missing moments.

So, we make the best of the moments we have! Thursday night Daddy was still a little sick, and I was really tired and we were all a little restless after dinner. I said, "I want some ice cream," to no one in particular, and you took that as an invitation to take me to Baskin Robbins. Which I agreed was a good plan.

You've been wanting to take me to Baskin Robbins for awhile now -- Daddy took you the other day and you just thought it was SO COOL and ever since have been talking about how, some day, you're going to take me there and show me the ice cream store with all the FLAVORS!

So we threw on our shoes and off we went.

In the car you decided you wanted chocolate. You love chocolate anything, but you especially love chocolate ice cream. I wanted Rocky Road. (You were okay with that decision because it looked pretty much like chocolate.)

You got a cone, which is rather new for you (you told me you didn't realize you could eat the cone!) and I got my cup, and we sat down in the chairs. I could hardly stand how cute you were with the chocolate all over your face, and on the tip of your nose. But what got me the most were your eyes. There were shining. Sparkling. You were aglow. We were together. WITH ICE CREAM! Just Mommy and Eden!!

It made me so proud and so happy to see your heart exploding with joy. When you are older and if you are a mommy you will understand why it also made me a little sad -- because I wonder if the loss of me day to day increases your joy with me when I am home.

One way or the other, it was one of the best evenings of my life. Right up there with the afternoons playing in your room when you were 9 months old with the evening sun lighting up your room in a golden glow. With the ethereal mornings when you were a tiny baby, nestled up to me tummy to tummy, nursing and cuddling and sleeping. With our quiet times outside before the neighborhood exploded with kids and we were just the two of us, exploring and discovering together.

After ice cream we decided we were having so much fun we decided to take my car through the car wash, go buy daddy some medicine at Target, and go to Kohl's to buy mommy some exercise pants. It was the best evening of the whole week! It's fun to get to watch you grow up, and I'm realizing how much fun we're going to have together over the years. Hanging out with you is a pretty cool thing.

One of my best, most happiest things!

Vacation, Part 1

I'm headed back to work on Monday after almost 2 1/2 weeks off. I don't think I've ever taken that much time off work, ever, with the exception of maternity leave -- which is wonderful, but not vacation.

My heart is happy and my head is swimming with thoughts and memories.

Things I learned
To slow down
It's okay to start things over
A certain amount of household chaos is worth an extra moment with your family

Things I let go of
Sending out Christmas cards
Cleaning out my room
Going to the gym (cold knocked me out; antibiotics should get me back on track in a week or so)

Things I discovered
The boy I fell in love with back in high school
My first dad's Bible
Kid City at the Science Museum with Eden and Nathan

Things I already knew that hit home again
I love Christmas
I miss out on a lot of Eden's life while I am away at work
How much I love being outside with Eden
Taking pictures is fun
It is impossible to keep up at home and work full time. It's an unrealistic expectation. Ergo: if you're going to be happy and successful you've got to be okay with cutting corners.

Looking ahead
Can't wait for birthday parties and Valentine's Day in February. At least, from Eden's perspective. She has shown me the joy of celebrating. Nate and I have not always been great celebrators. I'm going to fully embrace holidays and celebrations this year.

Telling my story -- here, and in my scrapbooks. Life is worth documenting.

I've got leftover itches to send some letters, especially since the Christmas cards didn't get out. Not sure if that will materialize into anything, but for now, it's a thought.

Going back to work -- Honestly, I didn't miss work. I don't mind going back, though. I realize that I am extraordinarily lucky to have a job with as much time off as I do, with such great benefits, and work I enjoy. How privileged I am to be able to provide for my family for not much sacrifice. We are truly quite rich in all we need.

This year, I want to live fully, live simply, and love deeply,

Doctors, School, Shopping and Sleep

Eden is really into doctors and school right now.

I'm not sure where the doctor thing came from. We are really behind in her well-baby visits. Anyway, Ed & Debby have an excercise chair and every time I pick her up after work she wants to go through the routine: Mommy lies down in the chair, Eden looks in my eyes, Eden pats my tummy, lifts up my shirt and presses my belly and announces me "good," Eden takes off my shoes to check my feet (???), and then we go chart how tall I am on the closet door that holds a couple hundred Jarrell Family Growth Measurements. It's too cute.

Tomorrow mrorning, we are going to go visit a preschool for a tour. There are three preschools we are looking at right now, priced low, medium and high. On the way home tonight, I turned around in the car and told Eden, "Guess what? We're going to go visit a school tomorrow!" I thought we could approach it like a field trip, since she most likely won't be going until next Fall. She immediately lit up and said, "My school?!" which totally took me off guard. Apparently, she has already thought about this! I told her we were going to go shopping for a school and were going to look at several different schools so we could pick the best one. Hopefully she gets that analogy. At one point I sighed a happy sign and said, "I looove school!" and she replied, emphatically, "Me, too!" Hee hee.

Speaking of shopping, I can't begin to say how cute she is when we go shopping. She and I went to the craft store the other evening so I could look for fabric for Auntie Erinn's new baby, baby Simone. I started out looking at the fat quarters, and Eden would run down the aisle to grab my selections, run way back down the aisle to her predetermined basket location, and go about sorting and organizing all the colors. When I thought I had what I needed she wouldn't let me look at them until she had stacked them "just right." She was SO helpful that I suggested she go pick out some stickers on our way out. We found the sticker aisle, and she hemmed and hawed, gently removing one sticker pack at a time from the merchandise peg and slowly turning it over and inspecting it before she replaced it and moved on to the next one. Occasionally, she would come running to me holding one saying, "This is the best one. Buy this one." only to change her mind and say, "No, Mommy, no buy. Keep looking." And the whole process would begin again. If I walked too close or did anything that appeared to be speeding her process up she would look up at me, put her palm out in front of her and say, "No, Mommy, no. Not finished. Keep looking." It was the dearest shopping trip I'd ever had.

She's starting to wean herself more at night now, too. I still lie in bed with her, and we have our routine. But she will only nurse for five minutes or so, then turn away from me toward the wall with a whispered, "Ni-night, Mommy." She'll spin back around a few times exclaming "Milk!" or just to pat me and make sure I'm still there, but our 60 minute falling asleep rituals have naturally shrunk down to 15 or 20 minute rituals. Her daytime naps seem to be shortening, too. If people find out how much I've "coddled" her at night time I invariable get incredulous looks, pity and advice, but I wouldn't change a thing if I got to do it all over again. She will never again be this little, and our nursing days will eventually end. She'll move on to more grown-up behaviors, as she is, and I'll eventually end up back in my own bed from start to finish. That will be nice, for sure, but sharing nighttime with my baby and now my toddler has been more wonderful than I can put into words. It's really been a gift. I know that these sorts of gifts are different in every mother/child relationship; if we have another child our experience would more likely than not be entirely different. I am just really, really glad that Eden and I have this time together and I am appreciating and savoring it all the more as I see it gradually coming to a close.

That's all for now. My laptop's battery is almost dead and it's time for me to go to sleep, anyway.

Coming soon: my new yoga adventures and Eden's first (real) Halloween pictures!

When a trip to the library is so much more than just an errand

It has been warm; 80 degrees around noon, and dry just like I like it. The arid nights cool off quickly after the sun goes down, and if I close my eyes I imagine I can smell the desert that my neighborhood used to be. Technically, it's still a desert. We've just covered it over with concrete and fertilizer and grass seed as far as the eye can see.

So, just as the sun was starting to play in shadows over the hills behind our house (which are NOT covered in concrete or fertilizer or grass and are BEAUTIFUL in their natural nakedness) Eden and I decided to go to the library, as it is open late on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I had a copy of Animal, Vegetable, Miracle waiting for me on the reserve shelf, and I had promised Eden we could pick up some new Elmo's World movies.

"a-HA!  a-HA! a-HAAA!" says Eden as she finds my shoes. My wallet. Her jacket. I throw on my sandals (sandals in February are one of the reasons I love San Diego) and we head out to the car. There's a light, warm breeze that hugs us as we walk out to the car together.

I have noticed a special relationship between Eden and I lately. A comaraderie of sorts. I felt it again on our way out to the car. The beautiful weather and the anticipation of our unscheduled trip had us both in a happy, expectant mood, and she babbled along to me as we sauntered our way out to the car. I still can't tell what she's saying, usually. But she seems to appreciate my acting interested in her attempts to communicate, so I happily nod my head and say, "of course," "yes," mmmhmmmm," and "really?"

Tonight she was especially proud of herself because she had figured out how to zip and unzip the money pocket on the outside of my wallet. "Muh-yee, muh-yee," she states. "Yes, money," I reply.

We get in the car and I roll down the windows, drinking in the evening and unwilling to part from it inside the confines of my car windows even for the short trip to the library. On the way we spot a fire engine, and two busses. "Weeeee--ooooo---oohhh--ooooooo--ooooooo!!!" Eden sings from the back of the car, my wallet in tow. She's got the fire engine sound down pat. Living next to a fire station will do that to you, I guess.

a-HA! says Eden as we pull up to the library. I grab her backpack and set her down to walk next to me. She tucks her little hand into mine. She's wearing a snug pink t-shirt and a little jean skirt with pink ruffles on it that Grandma J. bought her. As I look down at her I see only her thrill for the moment, happy to be with me, to be running along beside me, and looking forward to finding Elmo. "Mel-Mo?" "Mel-Mo? "Yes, let's go find Elmo." I reply. She starts running toward the door. I think my heart just melted and ran down my leg.

We walk in the door and I'm immediately enveloped by an entirely different, but equally transfixing, atmosphere. I love the library. I love the smell of dusty books. The hushed rustle of paper, soft voices. The long, inviting shelves full of stories and experiences and information all waiting to be discovered. Not many generations ago I may have only had access to several books my entire life. Now, I have thousands at my beck and call, and infinitely more information available online. The thought of it makes me giddy.

"Let's go get Mama's book, first," I suggest, and Eden toddles off in front of me over to the hold shelves that I've pointed to. I see the librarians cast glances at her and smile. A mom walks by and smiles, too. "HI!" Eden says cheerily at the top of her voice. "Hi," they reply, their grins growing wider across their faces. I can't help but smile, too. How cute is my daughter, running through the library, ruffles bouncing at each step, owning every inch of her little world and loving every minute of it.

As luck would have it, a book I'd ordered for her is on the shelf, too. It's about busses (of course) and she squeals when I hand it to her. But it's forgotten quickly as soon as she remembers her own reason for coming. "MEL-MO?!?" she yells. "Okay, okay, okay, follow me, I'll show you where Elmo is," I say, hoping the smiles she passed out earlier keep us in good graces despite the yelling.

In the kids section we find a few books, find a few dvds (with her standing on the stool "looking" through all the DVDs for Elmo ones, of course) and then she tries out another stanchion of her vocabulary. "Buy? Buy? Buy. Buy!" she asks in a steady stream, holding up "Elmo Loves Christmas" or something like that. The mom behind us looks over her shoulder and laughs. Everyone laughs when Eden says "buy." Of course, what Eden means is "Okay-I-Like-This-One-And-I-Want-To-Take-It-To-That-Cool-Scanner-That-Beeps-Can-We-Take-It-There-Mama-Please-Now-So-I-Can-Take-This-Home-I-Found-What-I-Want-I'm-Ready-Mama-COME!" but what everyone else hears is the cutest little materialstic demand they've ever heard from someone too small to even open the automatic doors.

So we go "buy" the books, and I launch into some soliloquy about how it's not called "buy" at the library, it's called "lend" because we bring them back, but then I realize she's more interested in the scanner and I realize how much I love her and can't imagine what life was like before she came.

We grab our books and head out the door and she can't decide which dvd or book to look at first, and keeps exchanging which one she's holding. She finally decides it would be easier to hold them all at once if I am holding her, so I pick her up and we march back to the car. It's dark now, and part of me wishes I hadn't been inside during nightfall. But as I look down at Eden and see her living in the moment I realize there really is no room for silly regrets like that and decide I'll live in this moment, too.

Right now.

In the twilight.

In the car with my little girl, on our way home to read books and watch Mel-Mo.

Pictures in My Mind

Yesterday was a rainy day. When I picked Eden up after work we had to use my big, oversized, sky-blue umbrella to keep us dry from Grandma's front door to the car at the end of the driveway. As soon as we stepped off the porch Eden's eyes lit up as she became still, listening to the sound of the raindrops falling on the umbrella. She sat, perched on my arm, eyes looking up into the umbrella's ribbing, fully aware and alive in the moment, drinking it all in.

The evening light was almost sparkly through the raindrops, and the late afternoon sun shining through the blue umbrella cast a pretty blue cast on Eden's skin, turning her eyes deep blue-green. It was like the world stopped spinning for a moment and it was just the two of us, underneath the umbrella, watching in wonderment (her, the rain; and I, her).

It reminded me of another cloudy day a little more than a year ago. The cool misty air. The porcelain skin. The newness, the wonderment.

The little tug on my heart that says, "I love you, Eden."

Later that evening, Eden, Daddy and I were all doing dishes together. Impromptu. Daddy was washing, Eden was next to him, "rinsing," and standing on her chair, and I was on the other end, drying and putting away. I glanced down and saw her little stocking feet every time she'd reach up on her tippy-toes for a dish, or to "help" Daddy. Those tiny little stocking feet, so eager to help, so eager to be involved.

The little tug on my heart said, "She's growing! Oh! She's growing up so fast!"

When Nate and I finally crawled into bed next to her she reached out for me and started to nurse. Half asleep still, she resembled baby-Eden more than toddler-Eden. Her chubby little hands, folded at the wrist, lay gently on either side of my breast, occasionally going pat-pat-pat. Her hair, slightly damp, was curled up in a million curls all over her little blonde head. And her eyelashes brushed her cheeks as she quickly drifted back to sleep.

And my heart was nearly bursting, so in love with my baby.

My little cocoon

I have NOT  been in a writing mood lately.

NOT been in a sharing mood lately.

And I have NOT been cracking a smile much at work lately.

Really, folks, I'm doing okay. I really am. (Really, really, Casey - I promise!) I've just been in my cocoon lately.

It's where I go when things get really busy, even if things are really good busy. I think my central nervous system just needs a little downtime so when things start whirling around in my "outer" world, I tend to retreat a little more into the "inner" me.

So, like I said, things are pretty busy. And in the spirit of writing lists (I think it's a family trait--although apparently there are a lot of people out there who like lists) I'll just share a few of them here:

• Work is crazy busy. It was crazy before we lost one to retirement and the other to...well....drama. Now it's C.R.A.Z.Y. busy.
• Tax season is coming up. (Sorry, it's on my mind.)
• It's the holidays. I LOVE CHRISTMAS!!!! Cookies, decorations, letters, presents, carols, parties, candles, lights, stories, hugs. And with The Peanut, to boot. It's certainly a very merry month around here.
• Nate is crazy busy. December is probably one of the busiest months of the year for a gigging musician. (I can probably sing back the entire score of "Carol of the Bells" in Transiberian Orchestra format for you right now, on the spot, licks and all.)
• Oh, and then there's life. Shopping. Cooking. Cleaning. Mending. Sorting. Tossing. Organizing. Playing. Bathing. Sleeping.

So, I called in to a meeting this morning from home, and now that the Peanut is off to Grandma's and Nate is off to teach I'm going to dig into the housecleaning with a vengence and get that part of life taken care of -- if just for awhile -- so that we can rest and relax in the precious few hours we get to ourselves this time of year.

Remembering that this, too, is just a season, and it won't last forever. So I had better enjoy it while it's here!

Octoberfest

Today is Saturday, October 3. It's the sort of day where your nose is a little too dry for comfort, the air is warmish-cool and smells a little dusty from the light Santa Ana, and it's warm-warm-warm when you're in the sun. A typical, wonderful, Southern California fall day.

Not a cloud in the blue, blue sky. A slight breeze that kicks up every now and then.

It's summer, still, but with a teasing hint of fall that makes you want to whip out your scarfs, shake out your coats and throw a pot of beef stew on the stove until you realize you're still wearing a tank top and shorts and it's hittin' 90 degrees in the sun.

Ah, Fall.

It's Octoberfest in La Mesa today. Miss Eden and I are going to go meet Nate there after he's done teaching and take in the sights and sounds. She and I spent almost the entire morning outside today. We took a walk around the block before breakfast. Spent an hour and a half in the park right after breakfast, blowing bubbles and playing ball. And then spent another hour on the back porch, cleaning off the slide (she likes to clean it with baby wipes) and tearing up advertisements that Mommy pulled out of the magazine she was reading.

Ahhhhhhhhhhh.

Summer used to be my favorite season; I think it's pretty safe to say that now my favorite season is Fall. I'm not keen on the shorter days, but I love the cooler weather, the anticipation of long evenings at home. Holiday preparations, warmer, heartier foods. Steaming mugs of coffee, tea or cider on crisp mornings or cool nights.

Snuggling up under the covers.

Coats, seaters and socks.

Hot showers and snuggly pj's.

Crunchy leaves beneath my feet.

Visits to Michigan. :)

...And she's off to the next thing...

It's almost quittin' time; I'm cleaning up my desk, signing off of email and getting ready to run over to Grandma J's to pick up the Peanut. I've always been good at juggling life, but it seems that either the balls are getting heavier or there are just more of them, lately. Not that it's bad, it just takes more effort.

To juggle.

Am I giving enough at work? How clean should my house be? Am I spending enough time with Eden? How about enough time with Nate? What is the least amount of "me" time I can fit in and still be sane (and kind) enough to be everything I need to be for everyone else?

How many more times can I wear this same pair of pants before washing them?

That sort of thing.

I love Saturdays!!

Nate worked today from 10 a.m. until 8:30 p.m. Well, so did I - except I just got to hang out with Eden and do errands and chores all day. These long days without a partner and without a break are really tiring, but they are also some of my favorite days.

This morning, Eden woke up after a short nap but still seemed tired, so I sat down to nurse her some more and then decided I was tired, so we went in on our bed and slept together for another 40 minutes or so. It was one of those super-sweet, peaceful, blissful naptimes that happen every once in awhile and which I love so much. Just Eden and me, cuddling and snoozing together.

She woke up as cute and happy as can be, and after a quick lunch we went on a marathon shopping trip. Oh, so nice to be in air-conditioned stores. We shopped around a bit more than usual, picking out a new pair of sunglasses for mommy, strolling through the toy aisle. I can't believe she lasted as long as she did. We were just having fun being together, being buddies.

Then home and more play before nap number two. Another short one, but she feel back to sleep again nursing, and this time I just let her nurse and sleep in my arms. She seemed to revert back to her baby self this afternoon. I don't know why; maybe she is teething. Maybe she was dreaming. Maybe she's just doing a lot of growing up these days and needed some time to just be a baby in her mama's arms. My nipples get a little sore after such long nursing sessions, but it seems like those long hours together re-ground us. I don't really mind--it is nice to share so much time with her on the weekends when I am gone so much from her during the week.

I don't think I could have survived going back to work without nursing.

And that's why I love Saturdays.

Just another crazy day!

Last night the three of us drove up to Aunt Erinn & Uncle Dieter's house for a wonderful Italian dinner. They just got new granite countertops and their kitchen is so pretty! Some new artwork, too, and soon the new curtains will arrive...they sure have done a good job turning "bachelor pad" into a beautiful home.

When we got home (it was nearly 11!) I was carrying a very sleepy Eden in the house and was getting ready to settle into the rocker for some nighttime nursing when I saw the biggest ant trail I have ever seen in my entire life. It stretched--and I am not exaggerating--6 to 8 inches wide and went all the way from our patio window on one end of the house to the cat food on the other end. And it was that wide the whole way through.

This, of course, is probably my fault to some degree. A few weekends ago I pulled out the garden hose to wash several years' worth of dirt off of our back patio so Eden could play out there without turning black. We had a fun time washing everything off and splashing in the puddles. But the poor ants, who had probaby been building a nest somewhere back there for the last 2 years (since the last time I got out the hose, at least!) had to make a mass exodus to save themsleves and their winter stores. Massess and massess of ants were crawling up the walls up toward Bob's house, each one carrying a little white piece of something that was as big as they were. I felt sorta bad for the little fellas.

Feel sorta bad for the little fellas who were in our house last night, too. It was ant genocide.

There are still ants crawling around here and there.

Just another crazy day!

A Mommy-Daughter Day

Today started out perfect, because it started out 2 hours later than normal.

A-h-h-h-h-h-h. Sleep.

One of my most favorite things in all the world is waking up without an alarm, after a long, sound, sleep, with my baby and my boy sleeping soundly next to me. We didn't wake up until 8:30 today!!

Needless to say, we were all so very happy. Breakfast, showers, play, and off to work with Dad. I took one look at the house, decided my baby was much more important, and proceeded to lavish attention on her like only a mommy can. We spent the morning laughing, pretending, exploring, kissing, petting the kitties, reading, going to the store....and then....a nap for an hour and a half! I cleared off our bed and laid there and read until I fell asleep, and then when she woke up after an hour I brought her in our room and we laid there and nursed and snoozed for another half hour. Talk about weekend bliss.

It wasn't as hot today, thank goodness, but it hasn't cooled down at night yet so mid-day gets pretty stuffy in our house. (With no cooling overnight our house never seems to dip below 80.) So I buckled Eden in her stroller and we decided to go out. Before we left, I put in the big girl car seat, and Eden got her first ride in the car facing forward! Oh, you should have seen the smiles! And the looks of wonderment as she re-explored her surroundings from a different point of view. Our first stop was the drive-through car wash - another first - and she thought that was pretty cool, too.

We decided to avoid a little more of the afternoon heat in the house and go to the lake to walk around and chase the ducks, but somewhere along the way we lost one of her shoes. Forty-five minutes later, with momma in tears (new shoes! and no ducks!) we got back in the car and headed home...

Unfortunately, no nap on the way home. Maybe it was the new car seat? Maybe she was already on her second wind after all the lost-shoe-searching? Who knows. But no nap.

And the rest of the evening was a combination of playtime and fussy. We did hop in the bath together, which is always fun. She looks at me like a quizzical little bird, as if to say, "Mommy, what are you doing in here?" But we always have lots of fun. Tonight, though, she was just SO tired. And there are so many things she wants to do, but can't. Like put on her pants. Or understand that she has come to the last page in the book, and the reason she can't get that last "page" to turn is because it's glued to the back of the book. Oh, the sobs--like her little, sweet little heart would break. She wasn't angry, just heartbroken, so she just sobbed and sobbed and sobbed into my shoulder until she finally sobbed herself to sleep.

Watching her cry was exhausting. But, in a way, it also seemed cleansing. She was crying because she hasn't figured out how to sort out her emotions yet. I, on the other hand, just tend to hold it all in and be the big adult until I just can't hold it back anymore. (Read, crying over a $10 shoe.) I felt a release of sorts, holding her and comforting her while she cried. I couldn't make it go away, but I could comfort her through it. What an incredible, emotional, almost spiritual experience.

I can't wait for tomorrow, to see her sun-shiney soul when she wakes up in the morning. I think, after all this sleep, it's back. :)

Such a frustrating week

Ach, what a frustrating week this has been. It is Nathan's first week back to school. It is really, really hot. Eden is really cranky. I leave her, grumpy, every morning, and come back to more tears and hysteria until it's time for bed. Where is my sunshine-y, happy little girl?

(It is not ALL tears and sadness. There are a few smiles and giggles here and there. A few.)

Nate decided to go a whole week without watching TV, and it's been great! We get our news on the net, and a whole lot of time in the evening to talk, catch up on our reading, take a shower...whatever. (Okay, "a whole lot" for me usually equals about 90 minutes, and that includes getting ready for bed, but who's counting?) (Oh, wait, that would be me counting.)

So, here it is - Friday evening - and the house is messy. It's 9:15 and the house is still over 80 degrees. Eden keeps crying in her sleep. And Nate is going to be gone, working, all weekend. *sigh*

On the plus side, Eden is so sleep-deprived that perhaps she'll do some catching up this weekend and we'll all get a little breather. And the heat is supposed to ease up a bit. Perhaps this weekend won't be so bad. It is a three-day weekend, after all!