'Tis the night after Christmas...

I'm sitting on my couch looking across the room at my husband, who is sitting in the rocking chair, nearly asleep, with my daughter draped over his arm. She's sleeping fitfully in her little pink sleeper, which is nearly too small for her now. Nate's book is splayed open and upside-down across his knees. Our Christmas tree twinkles in the background.

 

I've got all the heaters turned on; it's all of a sudden a very chilly night. I'm ready for bed...sort of. Before Eden came I would have had the house all tidy and clean, the meal planned and the presents wrapped -- for Mom and Dad are coming down from Julian tomorrow for Christmas. But only the bathroom is clean (thanks to Nate) and everything else is in a semi-prepared state of clutter and mayhem. But, for some reason, it's cozy mayhem. A comfortable, now-I've-got-a-baby mayhem.

 

But before I gather my family up in my arms and trundle off to bed, I wanted to capture this moment forever. Not because there is anything special going on. And I don't have anything pithy to say. I just -- I don't know -- maybe I just apreciate the quiet peacefulness of our being together. Of the coziness of our small little house, and the wonderful things that surround us in it. Of the sweet dearness of my baby's short little breaths, and the calming familiarity of my husbands longer, scruffier snores. Maybe it's the two kitties, curled up togther on the end of the chaise. Or the soft glow of lights in the evening. Whatever it is, it is home. It's the wonderful blessing of peace on earth, here in my little home.

 

Tomorrow, when the sun comes up, we will once again greet the world and have an opportunity to spread some of this peace and joy around. But, for now, I'm content to soak it all in here in my cozy little home with those who are dearest to me.

 

God bless us, every one.

Word of the Day

I'm trying to think of a word that describes today.

Blurrgh.

Harummph.

Snarkle-pitter.

Can you guess what kind of mood I'm in?

Don't get me wrong; I LOVE the rain. Christmas is coming. My baby girl is beautiful and healthy and oh, so exciting every day. But for some reason I can't get past the lack of sleep; annoying dreams about people who really are not my problem; Eden's 4 mo. baby check up (complete with shots); a messy (and I mean MESSY) house; an achy back and a headache. I'm sure there's more, too.

Now that I've got that out of my system, I should list the things that are G-R-E-A-T about this week! There are plenty. And I could use some cheering up. So, here goes:

1. I LOVE the rain. It makes the pine tree outside my window at work look like it has a thousand tiny diamonds on every pine needle.

2. I LOVE my husband. He is the best husband, daddy and friend a girl could ask for.

3. I LOVE my little girl. She has such a beautiful spirit about her and I am so glad I am her mommy.

4. I LOVE that my husband stays home and watches my little girl every day.

5. Christmas in nearly here, and we've sandwiched it between two days of NOTHING. So, no offense, world, but we're blocking you out for a few days of rest together as our little family (with, of course, a Jarrell Family Overnight thrown in there for good measure).

6. Did I mention Eden is happy and healthy?

7. We paid all our bills this month.

8. I like my haircut.

9. I don't have any warts.

Okay, really, how can I top that last one?

How about:

10. Christmas is almost here, and that means caroling, snuggling, naps and unwrapping presents with a baby who loves the sound of paper tearing. What more could a mommy ask for?

* * *contented sigh* * *

I'm going to go make a cup of ginger-peach green tea and try and get a little work done before I head home to my dear boy and my little girl. 'Cause they are the greatest in the world!!!

The Day Eden Found Her Voice

The drive home from work today was magical. Misty. Cool. Gray and blue and wintry feeling. The sun barely hid behind the clouds, tinging them pink.

I turned around to check on Eden in our baby mirror, and her sweet little face was turned up toward the sky, her translucent skin like porcelain in the soft afternoon light.

"Meh," she says softly, almost under her breath.

Then, "MRRRGH!!" and chomps down furiously on her little blue elephant's crinkly ear. Mmmm. Elephant ear.

Little Eden has found her voice.

It's been gradual, really. Every day a little less "accidental." But it seemed to me, as I changed her poopy diaper when we got home from the store, that every activity now has its own sound, and that she is consciously trying to make her vocal chords work at her command.

And, oh, how beautiful her little voice is.

What does this mean to me? It means we are standing on the threshold between infant and baby; between existence and learning. Between dependence and discovery.

It means my little girl is growing, as she should be, and that new things are on the horizon. Just as the sun was peeking through the clouds, so babyhood is beckoning. The tiny little infant I brought home from the hospital with me has been engulfed by this long, lean, beautiful baby who is full of smiles, and whose coos and wide blue eyes sparkle with the wonder of the world around her.

My Eden, my precious little baby girl. The most wonderful little girl in all the world.

Sweet Peace

I'm sitting in my office, looking out at the afternoon sun filtering through the pine needles on the tree just outside my window. The sky is clear blue, and it's a bit chilly today. (For you Michigan-ers, that means it's low 60s. Whatever.)

Eden is here, sleeping in her car seat on the floor next to my desk. She'll occasionally stir, make a little noise, and then settle back into sleep. I can't get over how angelic and serene her little face looks. How flawless her translucent skin is. How sweet her little lips, and her tiny nose. Her eyelashes sweep her cheeks, hiding those big, blue orbs that steal my heart away.

Daddy brought her by on his way to a gig and I was going to feed her and traipse back home for the weekend, but as long as she's happily asleep I guess I'll just keep working away. Have the Christmas tunes going. And my desk is nearly cleared. I would most definitely call it tidy.

Nate has 2 gigs tonight but none this weekend, which is great. Because this has been a long, challenging week. Not bad, just a bit of a difficult adjustment. Which we both expected. Anyhow, it will be good to relax together, get our house cleaned up, and get back to square one before next week begins.

It is so peaceful. Sleeping babies and Christmas music. A better pair I have not yet found.

I'm baa-ack, Part 2

So far, so "good".....

Work has actually been great for me. So far. I forgot how much I really love my work. I love having a handle on something that I'm good at. Something productive. Things have really changed in the office, but the core of my work is still there and I'm really looking forward to figuring out what next year will bring.

That said, the transition has not been without hurdles....As Debby put it, I think we were all worried about me and how I would handle it. I think we should have been more worried about Eden and Nate! Eden has decided to refuse a bottle. Which makes it hard on Nate and Debby because now they are dealing with a massively frustrated child any time they try and feed her. And she's hungry. Which means that, until she takes a bottle, I may be working shorter days and sleeping a lot less at night.

Nate's struggling, too. He has a lot of schoolwork due this week. At least he only has a few weeks left in school and then he'll be on break until late January. (What a relief that will be!) So, if we can just hang in there for a few more days of this I think we'll be in a much better place to handle the transition.

I must say, it is an odd and new feeling to wake up in the morning and have another soul to care for, feed, clothe and then...leave behind... I am getting much better about letting go and letting Nate take care of her. I think I was a bit selfish during my months at home. Not that it was a bad thing. He was busy and I was treasuring every single moment I had without work on the brain. Now it's his turn.

I must say, there is nothing like those big blue eyes lighting up at the sight of me after being gone all day, and the huge, huge grins she's giving us. Makes up for all the sad crying. She is growing so much every day. I'm so proud of her, and happy to be her momma.

Speaking of, she rolled over last Friday - I'll post a video soon!

Love to all. I've had lots of well-wishes and am hoping to update everyone at once via this post. (And thank you, Mom, for your email. I read the whole thing. And I'll call you soon!)

Love your day today. It's only going to happen once.

I'm Baaaa-ck

I'm at work today.

Wearing lipstick.

And heels.

And pants with a waistband that buttons.

More later!