Eden has had many firsts in the last couple of days....
First bath. First smile (in her sleep). First trip to Grandma & Grandpa Jarrell's house. First trip to the store. First trip to the restaraunt. First explosive poopy diaper all over Daddy.
Mommy's had a lot of firsts, too.....
First hair washing after the hospital. First trip in the front seat of the car. First five hour stretch of sleep. First walk. First cry. First time I've seen my ankles in about three months.
My sister Erinn was talking to my friend Chrystal and asked which was harder - going from one to two, or two to three kids. Chrystal said, actually it was going from zero to one. Rodger said the same thing, too. I am glad to hear that. I know I'm not crazy, to be sad about "losing" my previous schedule and freedom. To miss lazy evenings with just Nate and I. To feel like I'm on a never-ending roller coaster of nursing sessions while trapped in a foggy, mind-numbing haze of sleep deprivation.
On the other hand, there is nothing that fills me with more joy than looking down at Eden while she's nursing and seeing her big, big eyes staring back up at me. To hear her waking-up-sounds in the morning as she stretches, grunts and coos her way into the day. To tuck her little head up under my chin as we rock and sing, and to kiss her soft and silky hair, over and over and over again.
It's the oddest thing, falling in love with this little one. Last time I fell in love, the whole world was rosy and the future was awash in wonderful expectation. This time, my world has been completely disrupted, filled with a love-induced uncertainty about the future and what it might hold. How do I describe these things? Maybe it's because it's not about me this time around; now, it's about someone else.
Yes, Casey - like all of a sudden your heart is now outside of your body.
Sometimes, I wish I could freeze these moments in time and just watch them play back, again and again, until I'm ready to move on. That is not realistic, nor helpful. There is too much happening in the moment - I might miss something!
But next time I'm in the rocker and my eyes close and I drift off to sleep, you know I will be playing back all these things in my mind and my heart, over and over....committing them to memory and cherishing each moment all the more...
And now, for Eden's fan club, another video!
2 comments:
Ah, we've all been there. So very well captured in words. Eden is so cute and so active. She is such a wiggly worm. Enjoy your time. It passes so quickly and before you know it, she'll be one.
Oh - Molly, I'm crying. Your words are sooooo poignant, they take me back to the first days of Alex's life. The sheer, bone-numbing exhaustion coupled with awe, hope, fear and a love that was totally new and different than any other love.
Just soooo much happening in the midst of that crazy sleep deprived fog a lot of it was lost.
Keep blogging so you don't forget any of it - the good and the bad, the bright spots and the rough spots. It's all such an incredible, once in a life time experience. Even if you have two - it won't be a repeat of what you're experiencing with Eden. No, this is unique and wholly special. I envy you this time - soak it in and revel in it (even the tears).
What a gift she is.
sniff - sniff.
Wow..., babbling a little!!
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