Here I am, at the end of the year. Sitting on my couch with a severe case of writer's block. I've typed and erased my first two sentences about six times. And I'm not quite sure, really, what this post is supposed to be about.
I don't really regret the lack of posts this past year. It's just sorta the way the year worked out. Maybe I spooked myself guest posting on other people's blogs. Maybe between work and home I had too much on my mind.
I've got things written down here and there about Eden's 2010, but I want to pick this method back up. She is growing up so fast and I don't want to miss anything. And it's nice to have it all in one spot, categorized and dated.
It occurred to me this morning, when I ran across a little yellow baby sock in my own sock drawer, that it is impossible for me to know ahead of time what things are going to become special memories and what the special moments are I won't want to forget. When you're in the thick of it, it's just where you are at, and you can't really appreciate the precious moments because you are in the moment. It's only after you've moved on to the next stage or phase that you can look back and realize how unique and special and precious that moment really was.
This is one reason why I am so glad I took others' advice in Eden's early months, and just tuned everything out and spent every possible waking moment with her. Sometimes, I would wonder, is this co-sleeping thing worth it? Do I really want to stay in her room while she falls asleep every night? Shouldn't I be taking more time for myself? The answer to all three questions is yes...but time with Eden wins out every time. I particularly remember the days when all she would want to do is nurse, and I would just let go of all the plans and thoughts I had about the day, and let it all go, and it was just Eden and me and nothing else in the world mattered in that moment. Nobody knows how many days have been planned for us on earth and, as much as I can, I want every moment to count. I think I've done a good job of that with Eden.
That said, Nathan and I both are looking forward to the increased independence that the next stages and years will bring. We realize that other drawbacks and challenges will come along with those changes. But that's one of the nice things about parenting. Nothing is permanent. Just when you feel like you can't change another diaper, they decide to use the toilet. Just when you think you can't play with the same toy one more day without jumping off a bridge, they move on to something else. It's sad, of course, to see favorite phases pass, but there is always something equally exciting and endearing coming along the bend right behind it. And new challenges to keep you on your toes.
I empathize, now, with the statement that parenting makes you a better person. I wondered about that at the beginning -- I realized that being a parent made me want to be a better person, but I didn't understand how I would have the time to work on anything. Now that we're past the baby stage and are starting to develop a rhythm as three individuals vs. two adults and a baby, I can see how our individual personalities are beginning to develop and play with and against each other. It's an interesting phenomenon. I remember being on the child side of this and would venture to say that, surprisingly, it's a little more disconcerting to be on the parent's side. When you are an adult you have a larger world view and are aware of all the consequences and repercussions of every little decision you make. When you are a kid, you are just living in the moment, and while individually life can be complicated, your general relationship with the world at large is quite simple.
Here is where I begin to wonder if I'm making any sense. If anyone will want to read this. If I really want to share my rambling thoughts with the world. Not sure which side of the fence I'll end up on with that, but for the time being I'll just keep moving forward and posting posts for me. To remember. And for Eden. Because I want her to know how much I love her, and how much I love being her mommy.
12.28.2010
11.02.2010
Doctors, School, Shopping and Sleep
Eden is really into doctors and school right now.
I'm not sure where the doctor thing came from. We are really behind in her well-baby visits. Anyway, Ed & Debby have an excercise chair and every time I pick her up after work she wants to go through the routine: Mommy lies down in the chair, Eden looks in my eyes, Eden pats my tummy, lifts up my shirt and presses my belly and announces me "good," Eden takes off my shoes to check my feet (???), and then we go chart how tall I am on the closet door that holds a couple hundred Jarrell Family Growth Measurements. It's too cute.
Tomorrow mrorning, we are going to go visit a preschool for a tour. There are three preschools we are looking at right now, priced low, medium and high. On the way home tonight, I turned around in the car and told Eden, "Guess what? We're going to go visit a school tomorrow!" I thought we could approach it like a field trip, since she most likely won't be going until next Fall. She immediately lit up and said, "My school?!" which totally took me off guard. Apparently, she has already thought about this! I told her we were going to go shopping for a school and were going to look at several different schools so we could pick the best one. Hopefully she gets that analogy. At one point I sighed a happy sign and said, "I looove school!" and she replied, emphatically, "Me, too!" Hee hee.
Speaking of shopping, I can't begin to say how cute she is when we go shopping. She and I went to the craft store the other evening so I could look for fabric for Auntie Erinn's new baby, baby Simone. I started out looking at the fat quarters, and Eden would run down the aisle to grab my selections, run way back down the aisle to her predetermined basket location, and go about sorting and organizing all the colors. When I thought I had what I needed she wouldn't let me look at them until she had stacked them "just right." She was SO helpful that I suggested she go pick out some stickers on our way out. We found the sticker aisle, and she hemmed and hawed, gently removing one sticker pack at a time from the merchandise peg and slowly turning it over and inspecting it before she replaced it and moved on to the next one. Occasionally, she would come running to me holding one saying, "This is the best one. Buy this one." only to change her mind and say, "No, Mommy, no buy. Keep looking." And the whole process would begin again. If I walked too close or did anything that appeared to be speeding her process up she would look up at me, put her palm out in front of her and say, "No, Mommy, no. Not finished. Keep looking." It was the dearest shopping trip I'd ever had.
She's starting to wean herself more at night now, too. I still lie in bed with her, and we have our routine. But she will only nurse for five minutes or so, then turn away from me toward the wall with a whispered, "Ni-night, Mommy." She'll spin back around a few times exclaming "Milk!" or just to pat me and make sure I'm still there, but our 60 minute falling asleep rituals have naturally shrunk down to 15 or 20 minute rituals. Her daytime naps seem to be shortening, too. If people find out how much I've "coddled" her at night time I invariable get incredulous looks, pity and advice, but I wouldn't change a thing if I got to do it all over again. She will never again be this little, and our nursing days will eventually end. She'll move on to more grown-up behaviors, as she is, and I'll eventually end up back in my own bed from start to finish. That will be nice, for sure, but sharing nighttime with my baby and now my toddler has been more wonderful than I can put into words. It's really been a gift. I know that these sorts of gifts are different in every mother/child relationship; if we have another child our experience would more likely than not be entirely different. I am just really, really glad that Eden and I have this time together and I am appreciating and savoring it all the more as I see it gradually coming to a close.
That's all for now. My laptop's battery is almost dead and it's time for me to go to sleep, anyway.
Coming soon: my new yoga adventures and Eden's first (real) Halloween pictures!
I'm not sure where the doctor thing came from. We are really behind in her well-baby visits. Anyway, Ed & Debby have an excercise chair and every time I pick her up after work she wants to go through the routine: Mommy lies down in the chair, Eden looks in my eyes, Eden pats my tummy, lifts up my shirt and presses my belly and announces me "good," Eden takes off my shoes to check my feet (???), and then we go chart how tall I am on the closet door that holds a couple hundred Jarrell Family Growth Measurements. It's too cute.
Tomorrow mrorning, we are going to go visit a preschool for a tour. There are three preschools we are looking at right now, priced low, medium and high. On the way home tonight, I turned around in the car and told Eden, "Guess what? We're going to go visit a school tomorrow!" I thought we could approach it like a field trip, since she most likely won't be going until next Fall. She immediately lit up and said, "My school?!" which totally took me off guard. Apparently, she has already thought about this! I told her we were going to go shopping for a school and were going to look at several different schools so we could pick the best one. Hopefully she gets that analogy. At one point I sighed a happy sign and said, "I looove school!" and she replied, emphatically, "Me, too!" Hee hee.
Speaking of shopping, I can't begin to say how cute she is when we go shopping. She and I went to the craft store the other evening so I could look for fabric for Auntie Erinn's new baby, baby Simone. I started out looking at the fat quarters, and Eden would run down the aisle to grab my selections, run way back down the aisle to her predetermined basket location, and go about sorting and organizing all the colors. When I thought I had what I needed she wouldn't let me look at them until she had stacked them "just right." She was SO helpful that I suggested she go pick out some stickers on our way out. We found the sticker aisle, and she hemmed and hawed, gently removing one sticker pack at a time from the merchandise peg and slowly turning it over and inspecting it before she replaced it and moved on to the next one. Occasionally, she would come running to me holding one saying, "This is the best one. Buy this one." only to change her mind and say, "No, Mommy, no buy. Keep looking." And the whole process would begin again. If I walked too close or did anything that appeared to be speeding her process up she would look up at me, put her palm out in front of her and say, "No, Mommy, no. Not finished. Keep looking." It was the dearest shopping trip I'd ever had.
She's starting to wean herself more at night now, too. I still lie in bed with her, and we have our routine. But she will only nurse for five minutes or so, then turn away from me toward the wall with a whispered, "Ni-night, Mommy." She'll spin back around a few times exclaming "Milk!" or just to pat me and make sure I'm still there, but our 60 minute falling asleep rituals have naturally shrunk down to 15 or 20 minute rituals. Her daytime naps seem to be shortening, too. If people find out how much I've "coddled" her at night time I invariable get incredulous looks, pity and advice, but I wouldn't change a thing if I got to do it all over again. She will never again be this little, and our nursing days will eventually end. She'll move on to more grown-up behaviors, as she is, and I'll eventually end up back in my own bed from start to finish. That will be nice, for sure, but sharing nighttime with my baby and now my toddler has been more wonderful than I can put into words. It's really been a gift. I know that these sorts of gifts are different in every mother/child relationship; if we have another child our experience would more likely than not be entirely different. I am just really, really glad that Eden and I have this time together and I am appreciating and savoring it all the more as I see it gradually coming to a close.
That's all for now. My laptop's battery is almost dead and it's time for me to go to sleep, anyway.
Coming soon: my new yoga adventures and Eden's first (real) Halloween pictures!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)